And then there were two (years left) . . .

Finished the first year today. Halle-frickin-llujah. I don't know what to say. I expected to come running out of the building doing cartwheels, which would have really been unusual since I don't know how. Instead, its kind of like a weight has been lifted off, but like last semester, you kinda temper your enthusiasm since you haven't gotten your grades yet. I know I bitched last semester, and things turned out great, but wait...I'm done...so screw it.

Anyway, I thought I'd re-find my sense of humor with a few quick blurbs about the experience. My apologies to Marshall Brandt, as he had one of these after last semester. It's a little blog-borrowing for providing some poverty dog quotes.

What I Learned My First Year in Law School

-- Pronouns are for losers. "They who?" "Who's he?" "No, not me." If you're anyone, you must demand that you be referred to as Plaintiff or Defendant. Otherwise, we can just bring someone in off the street who isn't paying to get yelled at.

-- If you're a Supreme Court Justice, you don't need to be clear and concise. Hey, you're appointed for life! If you can be naked under your robe, write opinions in your own blood, and put spongebob stickers on your gavel without losing your job, mess with some heads!

-- Yes, sodomy IS a fundamental right...but that doesn't make it any less messy.
-- If you need a great new source of sexual innuendo, try being a 1L. Examples:

"Frisky, but the girlfriend's not around? Give yourself the ol' Learned Hand Test."
"Kiss her? Man, I res ipsa loquit-her!"
"She wanted to, but I couldn't get it Bowers v. Hardwick."(Editor's note: "Pro bono" would also be acceptable.)
"She sleeps with everyone. She's a Cardoz-ho."

-- A career in the law will rob you of your moral fiber and make you hated by society. You'll end up divorced, hated by your kids, addicted to alcohol and/or drugs, and all the while you'll be overworked, depressed, underappreciated, and otherwise unfulfilled. But do it for free AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE."

-- According to Chief Justice John Marshall in the landmark decision of Marbury v. Madison, the Supreme Court is the branch of the government with the sole power to rape the Constitution.

-- The Federal Rules of Civil Procedure make it absolutely impossible to take a case to court, and even more impossible to keep it there.

-- If you wanna be admitted to the Bar, try not to rack up 5,000 parking tickets, and under no circumstances should you impersonate a police officer . . . twice.

-- FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM RAILROADS.

-- If you start drinking with your buddy and he starts to talk you into selling him your farm, don't let him write the contract on a second napkin after the first one is improperly drafted. You only get one shot.

-- Nothing you write or say means anything at all. It's just a way of defining the world. So trees are blue, bitch, and you can't do anything about it.

-- Law school is really not much different than high school. There's lockers, everyone acts like people are losing their virginity, and there's very little mingling between the upper and lower classmen. The only difference is the pep rallies at law school are graded on a curve for how hard you cheer.

-- I don't care if the surveillance tape shows me smoking crack and robbing that liquor store, if you want to put me away for life, you have to prove I knew to a substantial certainty that my shotgun was going to blow a hole in the clerk.

-- When planning a daytrip to Mexico for a taco lunch, make sure your van isn't filled with 450 pounds of marijuana.

-- Life is divided into sections 1-6. Stay in yours.

-- The difference between IRAQ and IRAC is that with IRAC, you're sure to get anally raped. With IRAQ, you only get anally raped if you're a prisoner in Abu Gharib.

-- Logic is, like, hard and stuff.


On a quick note, I just wanna say thanks to some people. To my ATH and ATL friends, I appreciate your support and understanding. I know my visits were few and far between, but to put it in perspective, I haven't even been to my parents' house since January. When I came in for a little bit, ya'll were always ready to get crazy. To the folks I met down here, thanks for making things interesting. To my section-mates, we are one crazy funked-up group, which is probably why we meshed so well. After all, what else is law school besides crazy and funked-up? And to my family...wow. Amazing.

As most of you know or assumed, this has been a rough 9 months for me. I went to a new place and a new school for the first time in 5 years. In fact, this was the first time since Kindergarten I headed off to school without knowing a soul there. Then, when it all gets going, we had to put my 13 y/o dog to sleep. Before it was done, I had lost sleep, weight, sanity, a 2-year relationship, and practically all of my free time. The type of social life I had grown accustomed to at UGA vanished into an endless stream of paper. But no more. My understanding about the 2nd year is things are a lot better. We can pick our professors and most of our classes now, as well as their times. There's more work, but it's mostly busy-work - papers, etc. I'll take 14 hours and a bunch of papers over 17 hours and reading the same contracts case for 3 hours straight. We're housebroken now, so the 2nd year should mean Noba has more love to spread. I may be heading up to UGA Law, too, and I know it'll be nice to get back to good ol' Athens if I do.

Anyway, Summer is here, Noba is free, and you'll hear more from me later. After that daily affirmation I should probably get back to 8,000 word movie reviews, right? Links on the right are updated, as well.