I Believe...the Noba Version...

I Believe...

that anyone who uses the word "nonplussed" is automatically a prick.

I Believe...

that guys with spoilers on their cars must be contenders for the World's Smallest Penis Award.

I Believe...

that the only difference between most lesbians and a buffalo is about 10 pounds and a flannel shirt.

I Believe...

that Congress should convene an extra session each year to pass legislation specifically targeted at horrible MTV programming like "Trippin'," "The Inferno/Gauntlet/Anal Probing-Whatever," and everyone's (least) favorite, "The Ashlee Simpson Show."

I Believe....

that the inventor of karaoke and his entire lineage should be immediately exterminated.

I Believe...

Jessica Simpson proves once and for all how far nice boobs can take a person.

I Believe...

a guy that names his penis is probably just thankful he still has one after telling people he has named his penis.

I Believe...

Howard Dean is an evil robot sent back through time by conservatives in a diabolical plot to destroy the Democratic Party. It's working beautifully.

I Believe...

whoever is buying all those Clay Aiken and Hilary Duff albums is carrying the same gene that kept Full House on the air for all those years.

I Believe...

the makers of Trojan Magnum condoms felt there were a lot of guys trying to hit on hot drug store cashiers.